argh

two weeks in to the texas method and i'm overtrained. i committed a huge tactical mistake on monday.

the texas method is, briefly, this (my adapted version, of course):

M: 5x5 Squat, 5x5 BP, 5x3 PC
W: 3x3 Squat (light), 3x3 BP (light), 3xN pullup
F: 1x5 Squat (heavy), 2x1 Press (heavy), 1x2 DL (heavy)

now, this monday I used last fridays 5RM squat for my 5x5. I felt like death by the 3rd set but did two more sets. this was clearly a mistake. I was able to complete the sets in what I feel was good form, but the recovery toll has been huge. since monday, I have had:

- one big anxiety attack. apparently i have a standard set of behaviors for this, which involves lying on the floor by a wall. they were a lot easier to deal with when I was having them all the time. now that it's more like once every two years, I've forgotten my tricks. the best trick is to have someone remind me that i'm just freaking out a little and i'll be fine. back in the days of twice-a-week, i was that somebody (that's a neat trick, too, talking to yourself). hops pulled it off this time.

- major appetite swings. i'm either not interested at all in food, or super hungry. i had a pretty well established eating pattern that is going out the window.

- high stress levels overall.

- the dawning realization that B2W powerlifting is really not a sustainable activity in terms of the life I want to lead. I wish it was but I miss biking and not being tired all the time. okay, this isn't a sign of overtraining, only of clear thinking. but it's a clear departure from the gung-ho yay lifting attitude of just a couple weeks ago. those quick and clear departures worry me. makes me feel flaky, but not like a good spanakopita flaky, more like paint chips blowing in the breeze.

- big swings in mood and energy levels.

- allergies are worse than usual. this seems related to my overall stress levels, whether it's that i'm just fixating on the allergies more than usual, or the stress of recovery is actually bringing them out more. it could also very well be the weather, but my SOP for dealing with allergies has been, for the last couple of years, to bike/run in them 4 times a week. my powerlifting goals have me not biking or running at all, and my underexposure to allergens may be making me more sensitive to them. in my medical opinion, of course.

- the biggest indicator that something is wrong: affinity for my coworkers and interest in going to work.

my problems are twofold: i'm way behind on my squat and thus overeager to bring it up to speed with my deadlift. this caused me to make the idiotic 45lb increment on monday (over the previous monday). i'm also irritated at missing out on summer, and am thus trying to hit my 405DL as soon as possible. this is driving me to do too much too quickly.

experience tells me where this will all lead: pretty soon I'll miss a deadlift and scrap the whole goal complex and program in despair and disgust. what i need to do is figure out a way to persevere, pull my 405, and then figure out a way to harmoniously integrate heavy lifting back into my happy old life. i've already accepted a less glorious version of my goal: 2x405 or even 1x405 will suffice, i don't need to pull 5x405. And I AM making steady progress toward that, I feel mentally able to pull tomorrow's 2x375. But other than my lifting hours, I'm spending the rest of my hours totally hosed in one way or another, or (as i said above, even worse) working hard at work.

anyhow, next week might involve a pulling back, a lighter week of less stress, which will be boring, but hopefully pull me back into the program. rippetoe has a good discussion in PP about the distinctions between overreaching and overtraining. if i'm truly overtrained I'm pretty hosed -- I don't think I'm that far gone -- as it could take months to recover. since i still have a positive outlook for tomorrow, i feel that i'm probably just overreaching.

anyhow, the whole point of the squats in the routine is to introduce heavy stress to induce me to grow stronger. the heavy stress is mission accomplished, as of monday. we'll see if i've grown stronger.