!

in addition to all these monkey farming snakes on this mother loving plane, i'm sick and tired of fitness testimonials that go on and on about how sore the trainee became the day after their workout, or, worse, on their way home.

look, jagovs, welcome to saint toad's personal training center. you come over to my place and i will hit you repeatedly in the face with a bottle of fortified wine. just to show that i'm an attentive trainer, i will tailor the workout specifically to you: if i like you, you'll get the niepoort, and if i don't like you, you get the taylor fladgate. if you're really lucky, you'll get the don fino, which is empty.

i guarantee that you will be very, very sore the next day.

only $500/hr, sign up now, space is limited.