i get it, i do, i do.

most of what i know, i know subconsciously.

once in a while, it bubbles up to the surface, but when it's in its infancy, it's down deep and hidden.

when i asked 203 to marry me, not so long ago, i knew i knew some of the reasons i did it, and i knew i knew other reasons i did it, subconsciously. and i knew i didnt know at all some of the reasons i did it.

last night 203 put me before herself. it wasn't the first time, it surely won't be the last time. i could interpret her not waking me as part of her desire to maintain her tough-guy persona, and feel sad that she didn't want to lean on me, or i could think of it as her considering that i wanted sleep before a big day of deadlifts (and that's another thing: 203 understands my needs, even the ones she doesn't have and can't really relate to, and respects them. that, i think, is rare. and if it's not rare, why wasn't i told!?!) and, as i said above, putting me before herself. that's pretty cool.

whichever it was initially, it was definitely the latter by the end of it, and i slept like a rock (and had a fantastic dream!) to wake up to a PR deadlift.

and that PR got me thinking later in the day. over the past year that we've been together, i've jumped into two new hobbies (climbing, head-fi), and begun to really find my way to success in four others (beer, coffee, whisky, lifting (have i mentioned lately my PRs?)). my social life has improved, my decor has improved, my ice cream intake has improved, my car gets better gas mileage, and i spend less on shampoo.

in other words, since i met her, and especially since i asked her to marry me, my life has gotten measurably and immeasurably better. those lists up there were just off the top of my head, and i had to add to them multiple times as i thought it through a little more. less than two days from now i'll be married to 203. i've started a new countdown to commemorate this fact. but the reason i'll be marrying her is the reason i kept hiking with her, the reason i fell in love with her, and the reason i wanted her here with me:

she makes me better.

that's gotta be worth something. that's gotta be worth sticking around for.