so it goes

less than a year after i had this to say, aunt ruby passed, at the well-lived age of 95.

i'd like to think that over the past year i've become a little wiser; at least wise enough to see the flaws in my own self that come through in my writings past. aunt ruby was ready to go, back then, but she wasn't.

At the end of the movie "Blade Runner," the character Roy, faced with his own inevitable death after a life too short, says, "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die."

And so it is with the best of us, if we're lucky. If we manage to hang tenaciously on to life as aunt ruby did, long enough to see things you people wouldn't believe. To have a life full of wonder and love and good stories and hard times, a life full of character and giving. aunt ruby had such a life, but life always has more to give. In the time since last feb. when I thought she was ready to go, she has shared in some of the greatest joys of my life so far -- and not only shared, but contributed in ways too wonderful to describe in a place as goofy as this. she was pulling for me in my new life, and she got to meet and love 203.

and then, less than two weeks after we last saw her, she's gone.

so it goes, and i still stand by the sentiment that formed the undercurrent of last year's posting: there is no tragedy in her passing, no sorrow that she did not live life to its fullest, in the fullness that she desired. she had shortcomings and made mistakes like all the best of us, and she had unfulfilled wishes and desires like all the best of us, but she had as fair a shake at it as any of us could hope for and she didn't squander her time.

aunt ruby made it through life without ever having to life in a "home" and without taking a long and tragic descent into passing -- all this at age 95.

but there is still sadness, despite the fullness of her life: that i was too foolish to properly mine that fullness. 203, a better person than i, talked with aunt ruby with an interest i failed to show, and in one short visit found out wonderful things about aunt ruby's past that i didn't know. so it goes.

i'm sorry that i didn't get to know her better, but i know that i benefitted greatly from her loving attention. i'm sure that anyone who knew her would say the same.