problems

the problem with my younger, stupider years was that i didn't realize just how young and stupid i was, and so i laid out massive quantities of energy trying not to act young and stupid. as a result, i missed out on many of the joys of being young and stupid.

and now, in my hoary old age, i look back and marvel at just how young and stupid i really was, even though i was trying desperately not to let it be known.

i wonder: in another two decades, will i look back on this period in my life and marvel at just how young and stupid i was in my late twenties?

my twin consolations against my stupid, youthful neglect of my young stupidity are thus: at 29 i am more physically youthful and mentally agile than i ever was at 19, and, at 29, i've managed to channel the unused youthful stupidity from my younger, stupider years into the present, where i can afford much better liquor and cleaner hookers.

i think that this is one of my superpowers, that though i squandered my youth, i never gave it up. my writing, my climbing, my lifting, my loving, my laughing, is play and i think that comes through in all of these. i think a lot of people go through their young and stupid years and think, "okay, that's that, time to be a grownup," and then indeed, "grow up" into dour, unjoyful responsibilityniks who miss the entire point of being a grownup, which, as stated, is the better liquor and cleaner hookers.

pink floyd says: the memories of a man in his old age/are the deeds of a man in his prime.

how sad that many would choose to have their prime during their young and stupid years. how sad those of us at 29 who spend more time looking back than forward.

'course, if my plane crashes tomorrow, i reckon i'll wish i'd primed around 19 on account of i haven't got many prime deeds to remember at the moment.