fun in the sun

as i pulled into the home stretch to approach the ticket-taker for sunol, i found myself trailing a police car. ugh. the last 2 miles are twisty and fun and 50mph, slow and boring at the posted 25mph. we pulled up to the booth and the cops talked to the ticket-taker for a bit. he waved them through.

when i pulled up i said, "i get in for free, too, right?" or something of that nature. the park employee said, "you know them?" to which i replied, "no, and i'd like it to stay that way."

that was the thing to say, apparently.

i nodded along politely as the gatekeeper -- a former business major, by his account -- informed me about the training of police officers. "you don't find a lot of yalies or mit grads in the force," he pointed out. "you know why?" i did not, but now i do: according to the gatekeeper of sunol, some departments give an intelligence test to applicants to weed out the ones that are too smart. we chatted along these lines for a bit, and i was dying to tell him that my fiancee is not only one of the smartest people i know, but also a former LEO. but i did not, for which i received the compliment that i had made his day. that put a smile on my face, even if the poor guy didn't realize that the intelligence test that PDs give to potential cops to weed out the smart ones is called a "job application".

i've spent a lot of time in sunol, and made a lot of memories there. whenever i go back i dwell in them again. the route i take is challenging, but it has its rewards beyond nostalgia. today, it was bright and sunny and lots of folks must not have wanted to expose their leashes to the warm elements, so there were lots of dogs running around. the dog owners who brought their leashes received a warm hello, the others received a sympathetic-to-203 scowl. i wasn't feeling so great. sometimes that happens on sat. morning hikes, not sure why. i considered that i was overtraining, particularly the legs, what with all the squats and climbing. then i considered that "overtraining" was often bandied about needlessly, and that in the past, if i pushed through, i'd feel better. so i huffed and puffed and sweated my way down the trail.

as mentioned, i've been to this park many times. i went there today because i wagered (correctly) that i'd find some sun there, whereas i probably wouldn't on the peninsula. i remembered three hikes there: one, with my hetero life mate where i discovered the joys of layering, one in may with my love, a hike that set in motion the then-inconceivable, and a little hike a few months before that, when i summoned, in the same way and for the same reason as 203, a trail-running girl with a very nice figure, whom i did not approach. at the time, i figured it was a simple combination of cowardice and politeness (i know i don't like to be hit on when i'm running. that is, i think i wouldn't. it's never happened. and since i can't see well through my running glasses, i might get in real trouble if i ever responded. ho, grandma!) but now i realize that the summoning i performed that day, which i thought to be an amazing success, was in truth an amazing failure.

subconsciously, i didn't approach the running girl with the nice spandex because i'd summoned the wrong girl. it wasn't until months later, in the same park, on the same trail, that i realized that i didn't just want a new relationship, i wanted a new relationship with her, and no other.

when i got to the "w tree rock scramble", which 203 and i had explored a little when we were there, i headed upstream. well, upstreamwards, as there was no stream to stop me this time, as there had been when i was there with the to-be-203. i scrambled up and over rocks, executing 1 or 2 "technical" moves when i found the opportunity, though there were very few rocks that would support them, much less necessitate them. after the gps said i'd traveled about a mile, and when i "felt" as though i was near Rattler Gate, I found a nice-ish hill heading in the proper direction. it was thin with poison oak -- i reflected that i'd prefer a dense forest of PO because it's obvious and easy to avoid, whereas the occasional poison shrub is harder to notice. still, i made it up the steep, crumbly hill mostly without incident. once at the top, i found that i was pretty much where i though i'd be: Rattler's gate. I ate one of my sangwiches in prep for the steep ascent. Also, it was lunchtime.

I spent a lot of time on the hike remembering the first week after my hike in this park with 203. i don't remember the sequence of our trips -- we traveled a lot around the bay area -- and i don't remember any of our conversation on that explosive R night. but i remember nothing more clearly than the first time i told her i love her.

i played the scene in my head as i climbed the hill.

sometimes, i think, my life seems to be going so smoothly and easily that i forget how hard i'm actually working to make it go so smoothly and easily.

that far-off post-hike evening and post-hike-day-evening represent some sort of event in my life that i still have trouble classifying. i won't inflict upon you, dear reader, another boring analysis, but i will say this: nothing in my life since (and probably before) was so powerful as her touch that night, and since then, all my actions, all my words, all my promises, kept and to-be-fulfilled, simply flowed as if what we have built is a luge of some sort for my life.

i've got it easy and i know that. that doesn't make it any easier.

that's the sort of stuff i come up with on the trail, or post-hike, in this case.

i got to "the rock" and turned back. i don't want to ascend it again until i'm with 203, with whom i originally ascended. on that high place, an echo of where my desert forebears worshipped so many centuries ago, the spirit of my fate was near, and i did not know her. but the next time i stand atop that sunny rock, i'll have 203 with me, and i'll once again change the past.