sometimes

sometimes i just wonder: how did a guy like me end up with a girl like her?

and then i realize: there aren't any girls like her, and there probably aren't any guys like me, either.

and then it all makes sense. for an instant. then it crumbles in my mind and i realize there's no explaining it intellectually.

and i'm happy in my confusion because i've learned to listen to more than just my mind, and my mind in its confusion can listen to my heart, and my imaginary soul, and those guys are smiling and nodding and giving me two thumbs up, each, for a total of like 6 or something. i don't know.

i should tell you, dear reader, about the tootsie-pop theory of personality, some time. then it will all make sense.

i thought today, out on the trail, that even though the time of our separation is now relatively short, i could still make it pass a bit quicker by flipping that switch that i callously (though rightly) flipped back in may. i could make these 50 days (did i say 50? how about 48) fly by in a blink if i stopped being a silly romantic.

and then, and then, and then: I realized: of all the silly ways to get through life, perhaps the most pleasant of all is the romantic. sure, we take the downs a little hard, but we take the ups a little hard too -- throw in a heavy dose of mystical sillyness and you've got a recipe for a happy little life.

and ultimately, it was my own happiness which allowed me to reel in my 203. put that in your pipe and smoke it!

some folks take the grim, humorless sillyness as their path, the warmongers and the religious fanatics and all the boogeymen we love to hate. i see the point, because i have amazing powers of empathy, but i dispute the premise, and so that path is not for me.

which sillyness we choose to make it through this life is up to us. my sillyness is no more silly than anyone else's -- it just happens to work for me, and so i dig it.

where was i now?

oh right: what's the deal with me and that ranger? i'm a nerd, fer chrissakes! i'm sposed to be in love with an asian girl, right?

pssst! what was it that uncle bob said? specialization is for insects.

there's wisdom in there, somewhere, i think. i try to pack a little away in each of my postings in case i need it later.

oh my, it's later, and i need some wisdom!

tough.