on spinach

"after that outbreak of e. coli, jack in the box took their teryaki beef bowl off the menu," said the mook.

"why?" i asked.

"it must have taken too many steps to prepare. that's too bad, it was good," he said.

"what do you mean too many steps to prepare? you mean they couldn't get through all the steps to make the thing without sticking their hand in their crack? you're telling me they're over there in the kitchen, and they're like, 'okay then... step 10, sprinkle rice on top. step 11, with both hands, flip bowl over. right. left hand, there it is... right hand... oh, snap! it's in my ass again!'"

mook laughed. i continued.

"so the head office hears about this and do a study and find out that on average their workers can't go 12 steps without sticking their fingers up their asses, so they removed all items from the menu that couldn't be made in less than 12 steps."

mook continues to laugh. i join in but go on.

"this spinach thing is probably the same. the guys on the line are like 'okay... now... wash, toss, rinse. wash, toss, rinse. wash, toss, rin-- fuck! sorry, my hand's in my ass, stop the belt!"