fuck ordinary

found while looking for something else: old post.

i was feeling confused and helpless at an early roadbump in my early relationship (the day before her birthday, no less). it doesn't get to the point until i start babbling about "i don't like to think i'm special."

i've gotten over that shit.

i'm special. i fuckin kick ass. big time. and i'm holding back, too. i could kick even more ass if i tried but i'm lazy and humble.

i looked in the mirror the other day and thought to myself, damn, i'm a good looking guy, to which i replied, and i'm gonna keep it that way, too, because my good looking woman deserves a good looking man.

the proof is in the pudding, as they say (or more precisely, as they ought not to say), and here's what the pudding tells me: ordinary people hang with ordinary people. want to be ordinary? that's cool. that's groovy. that's your thing. do it because you want to do it.

but i'm on the fast track to eternal bondage with an extraordinary woman and i got to this point by believing my own bullshit.

no, that's not right.

i got to this point by believing my positive bullshit, the bullshit that says i'm the bee's knees and not just "ordinary". because extra-ordinary people, once they start being honest with themselves, aren't interested in the ordinaries. they can try, but i'm convinced it won't work out in the end. granted, my sample size is small enough to be ridiculously unscientific -- it's like 3 or something -- but sheeeit, man! girl, you know it's true!

oh, but i'm once again being bombastic and silly.

you see, i still don't really believe all this horsecrap. i do believe in the extra-ordinariness of 203, and the notion that EOs don't really get on with Os, and if i believe those two things, logic demands that I believe myself to also be an EO.

but i also don't believe in what i'm implying by the Os and the EOs. i'm not "better" than anybody in the sense that i'm worth more to the world. in fact, in terms of contributing to the world, in the absence of any george-and-clarence dream-sequence revelations, as far as i can tell i'm near the bottom of the heap. okay, the middle of the heap. certainly not anywhere close to the top. i do contribute in important and subtle ways. those who know how i do it appreciate my efforts. or not, as their case may be.

but the point is this, and here's the point (ha! it's not the point, it's a false point, you've read my stuff before, you know i've never got a point!): i do some things that most people can't. lots of folks can say that. but i can say it for a combination of things that sets me apart quite nicely from the crowd (despite what i said here) and in that way i am EO. there really is nobody quite like me, and (ooh, here's the point! i think! (my fingers smell funny! you know why! depending on who "you" are!)) (shit, I forgot the point! i got distracted by my fingers :() the point is this: (thinking.....) I don't go around thinking i'm of more value than anybody, because i don't know how to measure the value of a person. but i do think i've been graced by fate with a good solid intelligence, will, and body, and have put them all to good and consistent use within the framework of my own special belief system. the fact that i have talents (via random luck) and have put them to some use (via will power and ambition) and have ended up in a good spot (via a combination of random luck and te application of my talents, will power, and ambition) is what makes me EO in the very real sense that most people cannot truthfully claim what i have just claimed.

there's nothing in the world to make a man feel more extraordinary than the love of an extraordinary woman. and that's not just me saying that, i know i've heard it somewhere, so it must be true.

so, to summarize or something: once i quit my melodramatic whining about what a burden it is to be fantastic and how i couldn't deal with balancing my humility and my fabulousness, i landed the second biggest fish in the pond. lesson: humility has its place, but party-people, please, so does honesty.

and honestly... i'm the bee's knees. to quote al gore: peace out, y'all.