cycles

there's some kind of cycle i go through between visits. it's weird. it's most pronounced this time because the distance between visits is the greatest so far. i've passed some kind of threshhold now and the prospect of seeing my love again actually seems real.

two days ago it was dim and far-off. now i actually believe on a conscious level that it will happen.

it's all very exciting.

then, i'll see her, my joy will peak, we'll be very sad, i'll be desperate for a week, and then she'll be back. oh, that's an atypical cycle.

then we'll begin a more typical cycle: my joy will peak again, we'll be very sad, i'll be desparate for a week, then i'll mellow out and feel happy with my single-ish-ness, and i'll stay that way for a while, then i'll pass the threshhold again and the looming visit will seem no longer so phatasmic (oh my, someone please smack me for using that word, or making it up, as the case may be).

how much? 99c. too much. oh well.