a year from december

...

or maybe i'm being melodramatic.

or maybe i'm not. when my eyes opened up a couple months ago i saw that there are no rules. the agents and the walls turned into green floaty numbers. in general (with the exception of those of us who are not in control of our mental faculties or are unjustly imprisoned) we live as we choose to live. and thus, if we are among those fortunates who have identified what we want, we can prioritize our wants relative to our needs, and choose to pursue them.

i want to be with my love, my soon-to-be-wife, the one who giggles in my memory and amazes me constantly; i want to be with her all the time, or as much as realistically possible. i have identified what i want and i have prioritized it accordingly. such things as career, health (short term!), money, and even season two of LOST come secondary to being with her. i want to do a lot of things with my life, but they have all been knocked down a notch in my ladder of wants to make room at the top for her.

some things are hard to explain in words. i try to put them into words anyhow, because words are all i have. perhaps being with my wife-to-be is not truly in my #1 slot. it may actually be #2 to ensuring that my wife-to-be is happy. at times that may mean not being with her. i've made it as clear as i can that i will gladly burden myself with employment should that ensure her physical proximity to me. i've extended the offer of total support, though i'm sure she won't take it, at least not for long. but it wasn't an offer based on the assumption of rejection: it was and is unconditional. because being with her is more important to me than early retirement or shiny new toys.

it's all very cute, naive, and young. my plane buddy last night commented, upon hearing the timeline of my relationship, that by the time one has reached his late 20s, as i have, he's able, based upon his accumulated [dating] experience, to more quickly recognize what he wants when it's right in front of him. i was amused, silently, because although my plane buddy knew the general timeline of me and 203, he did not know of my [lack of] dating history, and perhaps presumed that i was an experienced womanizer with lots of dating experience under my belt.

i agree heartily with what he said, of course, and feel (obviously, i should say) that i do have the experience and discrimination necessary to quickly and accurately identify what i want. i just didn't acquire all that through dating.

i did point out to my plane buddy that 203 and i really haven't actually been on a date, as far as i know :)

(except for the one at the indian restaurant, one wednesday night long ago (by which i mean 2 months ago).)

this has gotten to rambling so i reckon i'll wrap it up. over the weekend i had many fascinating (to me (and to 203, evidently)) musings about fate, choice, how to live life, and how someone as beautiful and amazing as her could possibly have been single long enough for me to snap her up. i have my own semi-conclusions on these matters, though they could all stand further exploration. but the things that stand out as important are my realization and understanding of freedom and the realignment and devotion of my life to being with 203, to making her happy as best i can, and doing so forever. it's all very cute, naive, and young. and probably better expressed in poetry. stand by.