war in heaven

there is a battle going on right now, between the person i am and the person i want to be.

once upon a time, the person that i want to be killed the person that i was, and took his place. i'm now the person that i wanted to be, years ago.

but i'll never not have a "person that i want to be", because i will always strive to be something better.

the person that i want to be says to me, "to net the wandering star, you must let it wander back to you".

the person that i am says, "never let go again, you dumbass, do you realize how close you came to never at all having what you want?"

this is where the concept of "better" comes in. reading those two statements it's clear to me which one "sounds better", which one makes me sound like a "better person", that is, the "superior man" who has read and at least partially understood the tao te ching. simple simon.

but simple simon is who i want to be, not who i am. i am struggle. i saw vultures on a beach.