symbolic gestures, part II

someone recently (has to have been recently, eh?) asked me why the name on my devil's tower national monument junior park ranger certificate is my middle name and not my first name.

i've asked 203 to call me by my middle name, and she has. my plane reservations are all made under my middle name.

people keep commenting on how often i change my appearance (namely, my head-hair and facial-hair styles).

and, as foreshadowed, i'm about to execute another symbolic (and rather concrete, at the same time) gesture of some small magnitude and very little showmanship.

but the reason for all these things is the same, and it's the same as the reason why i flew last week, and the same as the reason i didn't buy luggage, and the same as the reason why i wore shorts today, and the same as the reason i cleaned my desk today, and the same as the reason i drive a luxury car, and the same as the reason i brew beer.

i am constantly reinventing myself. refining myself.

my given first name was applied to me for 28 years. my hair was long for 8. my fashion was abominable for... well, a long time. if there's really a new new new new new new new me (and there is), then shouldn't he have a new name, a new look, a new car, a new hobby, and a nice clean desk at work? i daresay he should. that way, when i'm Old and i look at a picture of the old (or the old old old old old)me, i can tell quickly whether that me predates or postdates my rebirth.

hey, did i say "rebirth"? why yes, i sure did. for me, every haircut is a baptism. every shave is gnosis.

why do you think i got my hair cut originally? because the me that wanted long hair got killed off. and isis gathered his smelly dismembered parts, slurped a little on his lingam, and before you knew it, bam! osiris risen!

sorry. where was i?

oh yes: when i look at some official or semi-official document, and see that i used my middle name instead of my first, i'll know that that was after the events that changed me (and required me to change me) so thoroughly that i reckoned i needed not just a new haircut, but a whole new name.

fortunately my folks saw fit to give me a really cool middle name, which has an even cooler nicknameization.