on the brilliance of gorram, and the inanity of the gorram motard prudes that run this gorram country

"gorram" is a word that you, dear, reader, may have noticed me using around here lately. now, i'm sure that fully 50% of my readership (that means you, Mister S.) know what the word means, but the other 50% (you, my love) probably don't.

"gorram" is a made-up word that comes to us courtesy of the writers of the third best television show ever, "firefly", which, having been cut off in its prime (just like the first best television show ever), never had the chance to beat out LOST for spot #2.

the meaning of the word "gorram" becomes apparent no later than the third time it's been heard in context on the show, if not sooner.

Example:

WASH : Gorram it, cap'n, we're being pursued by space pirates!
MAL : What? Where?
JAYNE : Them's not space pirates, them's gorram ass pirates!

The writers of the show realized that the fecking motards in charge of network teevee wouldn't let them say GOD DAMN on the air, so they invented a word which, in context, is a clear and obvious substitute for that oh-so-naughty phrase.

Now, given what we have learned from our favorite pill popping i'm-not-deaf-because-i'm-an-addict-no-really throw-the-addicts-in-jail hypocritical gas bag, namely that "words mean things," one must ask oneself, assuming one is the sort of one that asks oneself these sort of things, "is it the words 'GOD DAMN' that are offensive, or is it the concept embodied by the words?"

i am reminded of a book that i read in my youth. tragically i cannot remember the title, but it was about native americans (whom we, in that unenlightened age past, called indians) and settlers. i think there was a changeling involved -- an indian boy raised by whedos who went on to learn about his heritage and went off to live with his tribe once he approached manhood. i think someone or another got scalped, too, but it was done by a different tribe, but the stupid white folk blamed the changeling's tribe. seems like it's all coming back to me.

the relevant part of the novel, though, was the scene between a perplexed indian and a white guy, with the perplexed native discussing the phrase "god damn". he notes that the white man sure seems to say it a lot: "god damn" when the powder doesn't go off, "god damn" when the rain doesn't come, "god damn" when the dinner burns. what does this "god damn" mean, the unenlightened native ponders, and who is this god that is so beholden to the blasphemous tongues of the settlers that he's willing to damn the powder, the weather, and the cook all at the whimsy of some loose white lips?

the native has a hard time grasping the meaning of the phrase "god damn," and i think it's clear that those who would be offended by the phrase also have a bit of difficulty grasping the concepts embodied therein.

think again of "gorram" : it embodies the exact same concepts as "god damn," since it's a one-for-one substitute. over the course of the show, the brilliant writers developed not only a comprehenisble-incomprehensible jargon for the characters to speak, but also a large vocabulary of swear-word-substitutes. and then, when that turned out not to be expressive enough, the writers had the characters blurt out bits of mangled chinese. so when wash calls jayne a gwon goo n'ha ga choi n'hai none of the viewers (especially the ones who speak chinese) know what the hell wash just literally said, but we all know exactly how wash feels about jayne at that particular moment (well, we all know how everyone feels about jayne all the time, i mean, the guy's... well, you either know or you don't).

the point, dear readers is that words are unimportant. concepts are important, words are but tools for expressing concepts. that is to say, words mean things, which itself is to say: words are just sounds. the word "gorram" expresses the exact same concept as "god damn", and perhaps the made-up word is even richer, for it also expresses a contempt for those that would prevent us from saying "god damn." still, despite these facts, it's not offensive enough to be stricken from the airwaves. there can be only one of two reasons for this:

1 - i can't remember what my option #1 was going to be.
2 - the people that run and support the censorship branch of the government (and make no mistake, it is a branch of the government) in this country are a bunch of anklebiting morans.

i think we all know which one it is.

now, if you'll excuse me, i'm off to go shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.