how much? 99 cents. too much!

it was never a game.
but it took me a while to discover
that it was life.

it is no longer my own.

i've got an icky cold. maybe it's more like a sinus infection, although it seems to be more of an upper-lung type of thing. i dunno. one more week of it and i'll have to see a doctor.

but a mere diminished lung capacity can't keep me down. with my cold and my love this weekend i went running, hiked the fortress of solitude, and braved 90F heat to find a trinket that refused to be found until she'd already left.

i made a choice that i dare not regret. in the past, when i made choices i "dared not regret", i used my magical powers to suppress any regret. i screwed up my world view and twisted my brain to justify my choices.

this time, i left the dams open and waited. and watched. and listened. nothing. not a drop of regret. not a single worry. nothing but positive images in my future-view mirror. nothing but smiles and laughter. still, nothing but smiles and laughter.

i think i'm being honest. i haven't got time to waste on fooling myself.

i didn't finish my thought. actually, i did, but i had another way to finish it that i didn't use:

sometimes i do things the right way
often, i do things the wrong way
but mostly, i just do things my way
my way led me to someone who sees the value in my way
someone whose own way
is pleasing to me
someone whose way
and mine
run parallel, then merge
to create something new and beautiful

my mind creates fantasies and if i find the courage i can live in them. i've made some of my dreams come true. but the rest... for the others, i'll need help.