on the hazards of wearing red boxers with a lot on one's mind

indulge me, for a moment, in a thought experiment.

imagine this: imagine you're a guy.

for some of you, this may be the most difficult part. keep trying, you'll get it.

now imagine this: imagine you've got a lot on your mind.

okay, that may be the hard one for the rest of you.

imagine you're thinking hard about earthly matters and you haven't taken a piss in about 4 hours and you've just gotten out of a long meeting with the boss. you owe the urinal a visit.

you take your time getting to the restroom, because... that's right: you've got a lot on your mind. your girlfriend called to say she's not feeling well. you've got a vacation and a weekend and a career to plan. you have parents and coworkers and code and money to coordinate. your car's not working right. your beer's not tasting right. your teeth aren't feeling right. there's a lot going on. you've got a lot on your mind.

you make it to the can, head into the stall, unzip your fly. you don't need to think about it, becase, after all, you're a guy. it's all on autopilot. you take a look southward as you pull out mister happy to get down to business.

and then your heart stops. what's that splotch of red right by the johnston? holy jesus my dick's bleeding!!!

and then.....

and then.....

ohthankgod. false alarm! you remember: i'm wearing my red boxers today. ohthankgod.

followed by: what a fun story this will make on my blog.