that's nice to know

in the last week, i've twice come closer to dying than i ever have (knowingly) before.

i found that while i may not have a great fear of death, i'm quite certainly not ready to go just yet.

in both cases, i survived because i kept (relatively) calm and did the right things. in the first case, i had a friend with me (who was in just as much peril as i) and in the second case i was by myself. in both cases, we were asking for it.

when i go outside, i push my limits, sometimes a little too far. today was too far -- my limits caused grief to those i love. i was prepared and dealt with things properly, but i could have been better prepared and dealt with things more gracefully. lesson learned; next time i'll do better.

one other thing i learned from my two experiences: it's not necessarily better to bring someone along. yes, that goes against the conventional wisdom. today i got into serious trouble because my map was poor and my terrain-recognition abilities were equally poor. these details would have presented no problem in my normal stomping grounds of the bay area, but i was in the desert today, and the desert compounds all problems. i remarked to my brother that, although it was probably 105F out there, i really didn't mind it at all -- it felt like 80 or so. but when i ran out of water, suddenly it did feel like 105. funny how that works.

it's possible that a buddy might have been able to help me figure out where i was, but i'd much rather have my gps (which was left at home today). more likely than not, a buddy would just have held me back. that may have avoided the problem entirely, or it may equally well have exacerbated things toward the end of the hike. impossible to say. what i can say is that, in my experience, i do all right by myself, and i'm not convinced that a buddy would have been much help in today's situation.

maybe someday i'll break my leg out in a remote canyon and wish i had someone to scramble up a ridge to a cell-reception area. or maybe i'll just have to do it myself.