best hike evar!!!111

hm. maybe i need a new category.

shazam!!!!!

there we go.

now, as i was saying:

best hike evar!!!!111

this was the one I meant to do last week: black mountain trail to page mill and back. 15.5 miles (the GPS read 15.3 at the end of it all, but it had crapped out several times along the way, and additionally, as a bodybuilder/weightlifter, I am accustomed to inflating my numbers).

it was not an uneventful hike.

i brought 4 liters of the clear stuff this time, and that was just about right. instead of the abominable honey-mooseturd-ham subway footlong all at once, i brought 3 PB&J sandwiches and ate 2 of them at different points along the route. that was far better on the old blood and guts.

the weather was fantastic. arrived at the trailhead at 11am, same as last time. a little cloudy. enough for me to pack my fleece but not wear it. better to have it and not need it, i figured, than to need it and not have it -- like last time. turns out i didn't need it this time because the clouds kept the temp just right and let the sun come through at the right moments. it was swell. super swell.

the first 5 miles were rough, like last time. lots of uphill. not much to look at. not much shade. but i wasn't bored because i somehow managed to make a hiking buddy.

yeah, i know: i go out there for the solitude and the exercise and not to chit-chat with my fellow trailwalkers. when i started at the trailhead, there were 2 folks (not together) ahead of me. i went back for a piece of gum and they got even further ahead of me. well, along with all the rest of my incredible attributes, the good lord saw fit to bless me with a pretty good pair of legs and a set of lungs that manage to perform pretty well when they're not choked up with allergy fleggm.

(yes, I know how to spell "phlegm".)

so there i was, hikety-hiking up the hill in monstro strides with the accompanying loud and heavy breathing. i passed one hiker. i came up close to the other and then our paces kind of matched. i hate that. it happens on the trail, on my bike, when i'm running, all the time. if i pass them, will i be able to stay in front, or will they pass me again and make me feel all awkward? if i expend the energy to pass them will i get all loud and sweaty and then have to stop for a rest and get passed and then do it all over again?

yeah. well, there's not much else to think about out there.

so as i passed, one of us struck up a conversation, and by the time we reached the backpack camp, the following facts had emerged :

- she lives in sf
- according to the bike ranger, MROSD has openings for rangers
- she knows what poison oak looked like, and now i do too
- "scree" is the kind of loose gravel that you find near the tops of mountains such as kilimenjaro (which she's ascended) or whitney (which she's ascending next weekend) and is not a lot of fun to walk through
- the both of us would really prefer park ranger type jobs if such jobs paid anywhere close to our cubicle jobs
- the both of us prefer a nice, fast-paced, challenging hike to a slow, scenic, nature-walk
- i don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to correctly spell "scenic"
- neither of us approve of the facking horrid Trump Casino on I10 near palm springs
- many technical details about national parks, leeches, poison oak, hiking, backpacking, waterproof boots, REI, and outdoor bathrooms
- she wasn't planning to go as far as the backpack camp
- she had actually been to the backpacking camp previously but hadn't realized it until we arrived there
- i am evidently a stroger hiker than she, and not terribly good at hiding it. on the other hand, i'm not the one backpacking up whitney next week. still, it's swell to find out that i'm in pretty good hiking shape after doing it for only a couple of months.
- in addition to poison ivy, the east coast has leeches. ick.

at the black mountain backpack camp we stopped to use the john and i ate my first PB&J sangwich. as I was planning to go to page mill road before turning back, we parted ways. upon reaching page mill, i consumed my second PB&J.

i went a little bit past the parking lot until the GPS said 7.5 miles. then i turned back. not a lot happened on the way to or from the lot, although a lot of scenic scenery was seen. a helicopopter passed noisily overhead. i began to become tired.

when i reached the backpack camp (and hence, the end of the uphill portion of the trip) it turns out that the helicopopter was a medevac chopper. there were about 3-4 ranger/fire vehicles, and no fewer than 10 emergency and park personnel present. the rangers had blocked off the trail so hikers wouldn't be decapitated by the chopper while they evacuated a mountain biker who had taken a spill and broken... something. a bystander said "leg" but I suspect it doesn't take that many people and that much time (the chopper was there at least 15 minutes before i arrived and 10 minutes after) to evac a dude with a broken leg. i'm guessing "spine" or "neck" was broken.

anyhow, the ranger directed me to a detour which I am pretty sure added a half mile to my trip. i praised the patron saint of satellites (saint newton) that I had a gps when i arrived at a fork and couldn't tell which way to go. my gps breadcrumbs showed the way.

i ran down most of the steep bits. it just feels better and more stable than walking, i dunno why. i never see anyone else doing it.

somewhere along the way i had a clif bar (finally diminished my vast collection). i drank lots of water. i got angry at noisy hikers that i was unable to outdistance.

my feet began to really hurt. i may have to get honest to graud "hiking boots" and "hiking socks" rather than my combat boots and combat socks. i guess hiking != combat.

but it ought to, dammit.

somewhere along the way, i thought to myself: hey, wouldn't it be cool if my hiking pal left some contact info on my car? she saw which one i got out of (it was parked next to her massive jeep).

when i got back to my car, tired, sore, and glad to be done, there was a park map under my wiper. "mike - if you ever need a hiking buddy, call <phone number>".

cool.

GAG HALFRUNT (psychologist): in my line of work, ve don't make many friends.
PROSTETNIC VOGON JELTZ : ahhhh, professional detachment.
GAG HALFRUNT : no, ve just haven't got ze knack.

i never really had the knack either, until now. i guess all it takes is to open my pie-hole once in a while.

on the way home, i cranked up the bagpipes.