i'm not dead, longer version

back from my vacation. W and i drove all over CA, from oakland to palm springs and many places in between.

we had many adventures, large and small: with each other, with other people, and within our own heads.

it was the longest amount of time i've ever spent with her, or pretty much with anybody since college. i expected that by the end of the week i'd be dying for some freedom, but that's not even close to how i feel. if she wasn't working to (past, more than likely) midnight and getting up before dawn, i'd be seeing her tonight for sure. but for the first time in more than a week, i'll have to try to get to sleep without her by my side, and wake up to the cold stare of the clock radio instead of the smiling face i long to see.

i'm really not looking forward to it.

other stuff:

- my face itches like a mofo, a combination of sunburn and razor burn and perhaps even the aftershave i used. arrrrrghhhh.

- i'm really having trouble "getting back into the swing of things". especially since i'll be getting right back out of the swing of things in just a couple more days. this always happens after a vacation. but this time, it's worse, and i know why: i just spent a (mostly) carefree week falling more in love, spending (mostly) every hour with the one person i'd choose to always be with, and now it's back to being away from her for most of the week, doing the boring crap that is so boring (and crappy (mostly)) that they have to pay me a large sum of money to do it.

this whole past week feels like an "alternative" in my mind. it's what i could be doing if the both of us weren't tied down by our jobs. i got over the "tied down" feeling long, long ago. i'm not stuck here by any means. i'm just stuck in a number of paradoxes and negative thought loops that prevent me from leaving.

boy, that's a whole other story. long story short: i wish i was still on vacation with W, not thinking remotely about work, and not wondering and worrying about when i'll be able to see her again.

- my grandma is not doing well, it seems. :(

- my brother is about to graduate from community college. way to go!

- i just had the most W week with W. did i mention that? i'm sad that it's over.

- i gained 5lbs on the trip. considering that i had only 1.5 hours of exercise (well, more if you count standing in line at magic mountain) the whole week, i guess that's not bad.

- i still have an unbroken chain of weekend hikes going back more than a month now. with a little bit of luck, it will remain unbroken even next week. i hiked up a 1mi bit of trail behind the PS desert museum in 90+ degree heat. drank 2.5liters of water in 1 hour. fun stuff. my running shoes suck for hiking.

- i miss W.

- i didn't go camping on my vacation. too damn hot.

- my solla SLO really is paradise, and nobody there ever has any troubles, at least very few. i wrote myself a note after the last visit: DONT LOSE MOMENTUM. i lost my momentum. i'm still here. but in addition to losing momentum, i gained an appreciation for where i am. so it goes.

- i have to go talk to the boss about what i need to do this week. yay.