a night alone

a night alone
i thought i wanted one
but always, when i have one
even when i need one
i realize
that i don't enjoy loneliness
as much as i used to

her strange calming influence
is missed
and unexplained
and when she is not here
i don't know what to do
and i wait
for the little smiley yahoo man
to tell me that she's back
so i can be as smiley
as he is

i wait to hear her voice
even if i must hear it
with my mind
and with my soul, as always
but not with my ear
and not through my arms

i miss her touch
her smile
her skin
the feel of her in my embrace
and the things she tells me without moving her lips
and the things she tells me while moving her lips
without words

i miss the way she clears away the rain and the clouds
i don't think she knows she does it
i don't think she knows
why i look at her the way i do