2005 - first post!

best. new years. ever.

didn't do much, tho it was more than i've ever done before.

drove up to SM from oxnard, that took a good 5-6 hours. unpacked a little, then off to berkeley to pick up W, down to oakland for some "i missed you" action, then concord for dinner, and finally to antioch for beers and monopoly until 1am.

yeah, that was my new years eve.

after that, back to oakland, to start off the new year the way every new year should start.

finally, up and at em at 1pm 1/1/05. something's different. i'm not sure what. we did a lot of talking in the dark. things were clarified (there are still things to clarify, even after all this time!). i left some things unsaid, but worry not: they will be spoken , soon enough (huh?).

but something's different.

i saw a lot of couples interacting over the last week. people I know well, with SOs. i paid attention, this time, because at last I can relate. i listened carefully to music lyrics (cried when eddie vedder sang "i know some day you'll have a beautiful life / i know you'll be a star / in somebody else's sky / but why, why, whyyyyy can't it be mine").

i think when i woke up today, i had an even greater appreciation for what i've got. i could feel a real difference in myself now (with W) compared to the past week (without W). with her, I am better, in so many ways.

with all the people i saw this past week, all the people in love, I thought: "yeah, that's probably love, but..."

"... but it's not like what I've got."

i'm sure it's silly to think that what i've got is unique throughout history, but it feels that way.