the poorly written parable of the hermit crab (part 1)

there once was a hermit crab.

his name was... uh... Mitchell, yeah. Why not. Mitchell. Mitch, for short. Sometimes people even called him Mickey or Mick.

So, Mick the Hermit Crab.

he lived inside his shell. inside the shell, Mick wasn't happy, but he wasn't too miserable. everything he needed was inside his shell. he had food, a place to sleep, even some hobbies and pastimes. there was enough inside his shell to keep him from coming out too often, and there was no room in his shell for anyone else, so he kept pretty much to himself most of the time.

every once in a while, though, Mick poked his head outside his shell to see what was going on in the world. usually, it wasn't anything too interesting, or he was busy thinking about the things he had to take care of inside his shell. since he was a Hermit Crab, the shell was not attached to him - he could leave whenever he wanted. but he never wanted to leave. he never ventured outside his shell.

Mick had many hobbies to keep himself busy inside his shell. Among other things, Mick enjoyed baking. He didn't like to eat, though, so he would throw his baked goods outside his shell and let the sea consume them.

one day, Mick finished a crab cake that he was baking. as was his habit, he tossed the crab cake outside his shell onto the sea bed.

at that moment, a starfish was passing by, and saw the crab cake. "what a beautiful crab cake," said the starfish. "may i try it?"

"certainly," said Mick, "have the whole thing. if you like it, i will make more for you."

the starfish took a bite. "this is very good!" she exclaimed. "please, make more for me."

Mick was excited to find someone that enjoyed his baking. he had always done it to please himself, he had never imagined that someone else would appreciate his crab cakes. he began baking many more cakes for the starfish.

He finished one, and tossed it out of his shell to the starfish.

"Won't you come out of your shell?" asked the starfish.

"I have never come out of my shell," said Mick the Hermit Crab. "It is my home."

"Don't be afraid," said the starfish, "I don't bite.... hard." she giggled.

Mick considered his situation. it was thrilling to find someone that appreciated what he had to offer, especially since he thought that no such person existed. It would be interesting to meet such a person. Mick was afraid to go outside his shell, it had been a very long time. But he wanted someone to talk to, and the starfish seemed to want to talk to him. He mustered all his courage.

"Very well," said Mick. He stuck his neck outside the shell, and his legs, and his body. He came almost entirely out of his shell - all that remained inside was one little leg.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" asked the starfish.

"No," lied Mick. It had been very difficult, in fact. Hermit Crabs rarely ventured this far outside their shells, and certainly Mick never had come so far out.

"Here is another cake for you," said Mick.

"Thank you," said the starfish.

Mick and the starfish talked, and ate cakes, and became good friends. Soon, Mick the Hermit Crab began to feel an emotion that he'd never felt before. He suspected it was love. It seemed to match the descriptions that he'd heard before. He decided to talk about it with the starfish.

"Starfish?" asked Mick, coming almost all the way out of his shell.

"Yes, Mick?" said the starfish.

"I'd like to talk about something," Mick began. He looked at the starfish and noticed something odd. She wasn't looking at him. She was looking at something behind him. Mick decided to ignore this and continue.

"Starfish, I have... feelings... for you. Feelings that I've never had before and don't understand."

"Oh dear," said the starfish. The starfish knew what Mick was about to say.

"What?" asked Mick, startled.

"Mick, I'm sorry. Your cakes are delicious and you're a very nice person to talk to... but you're not a starfish. I can't be in love with a Hermit Crab, only another starfish."

Mick craned his neck behind himself to see what the starfish had been looking at. It was another starfish. A male starfish. The male starfish was smiling. Mick smiled at his friend the starfish as she swam off to meet the other starfish. As soon as she was behind him, though, he began to cry.

he tried to pull back into the safety of his own shell, to hide away from the cold world, but found that he could not fit. he had grown while he was outside, and he was too big to back into his shell.

(... to be continued ...)