ow

i didn't get a hug or a goodbye kiss or a "call me when you get there" or a "drive safely", so what can i think but that your "jerk" was not in jest?

am i a jerk for delaying myself an hour - to hit both bay area AND LA rush hour - to spend more time with you?

next time i can leave without waking you, if that would be nicer of me.

is it because i didn't want to add an extra hour to my 8+ hour journey?

next time i can leave from my place, if that would be nicer of me.

i don't have many ways to respond to seriously being called a jerk:

- i can stiffen my heart and not allow the words to come in. this has the side effect of keeping anything from coming out.
- i can let the words hurt me, and become sad. when i'm sad, i like to be alone, often for a very long time.

what's a jerk like me to do?

---- written 1 hour late at the halfway point

the drive was 8.5 hours (< 7 hours for thanksgiving)
i witnessed 4 near-collisions, and lost count of how many times i nearly fell asleep.

shoulda taken my no-doz, that probably woulda helped the coffee-withdrawal headache too.

---- written 5 hours later