thoughts on 101/80

(written while stopped/slow in fackin horrible/typical bay area freeway traffic)

jfc, why does everyone keep asking me this?

"getting tired of the drive, yet?"

wtf?

why are you asking me this?

why do you keep asking me this?

do you want me to say "yes"?

do you want me to say "yeah, it totally blows. i managed to stumble into what may be the most miraculous thing to ever happen to me - a relationship with a wonderful woman who just may actually love me, a relationship where there's very little assymmetry and a whole lot of mutual feelings - but my life outside of that is so fucking busy, rewarding, and fulfilling that i can't be arsed to sacrafice a tiny bit of time and gas money to commute between san mateo and berkeley a couple of times a week" ?

is that what you want to hear?

fuck that.

yeah, i don't like the drive. no, i don't like bay area traffic, and i haven't much experience with it. why? because i have always purposely lived close to work because i don't want to commute.

so what?

my life has never been convenient or easy. if you think it has been or is - even if you think that because i told you so - you don't know me.

i don't get anything easily, at least not anything worth having. but i no longer shy away from a little hard work if it promises or proves to yield a desirable result - and believe me: there is very little work going on here, and very desirable results. i left my laziness stranded in my past, and i'm keeping myself well hidden from it.

are we clear?

now really, why do you all keep asking me this?