i used to tell everyone everything. well, for some values of "everyone". i still do, to some extent. i thought i had sufficiently reduced the scope of "everything", but it looks like i was wrong. time to start self-censoring. time to have a vault. huzzar! does this mean the end of the blog? of course not. it's just gonna get even more cryptic. huzzar again!
i wondered once what was the core component of my being - that which would remain when all else was burned away by trauma. i am getting the answer to a lesser version of this question, and the answer is both surprising and not-so-surprising. surprising from a viewpoint of 5 years ago. or perhaps not. did i even have a "core component of my being" back then? not so surprising considering the commitment i made to myself so recently. surprising from the POV that i have little faith in the power of my own commitments, much less my ability to spell "commitment". surprises all around!
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